Two more days until a new decade.
Here I sit, with bloodshot eyes, fighting off a week of nightmares.
I feel like I should say something, or do something to greet the oncoming year.
After all, it's year I graduate college and am thrown haphazardly into the "adult world."
And that's got to be significant somehow, right?
But I can't bring myself to think forward just yet.
The reality is too alarming, too near.
It's like standing on the edge of a skyscraper and knowing,
Knowing that you're about to be pushed.
And freefall is the only option.
It's not that I'm not excited about the independence.
Or the opportunity for growth that can't be afforded when you have a family.
These first years out of college are a weird middle ground.
There's responsibility, yes, but also the chance to adventure and brave the world alone.
It's thrilling.
It's terrifying.
I know I've got some time.
The first five months of 2011 will be celebrated in the relative safety of institution.
But then I'm on my own.
And I'm excited, yes.
But I'm also scared out of my mind.
And I don't think that's an unreasonable place to be.
So come on, 2011.
Show me your best.
30 December, 2010
12 December, 2010
The Future is Unknowable
The future is unknowable;
A conclusion that's hard to teach.
Worry and doubt prey on the mind,
Wondering when the stars will align,
But somehow it's still out of reach.
The future is unforeseeable,
Something we just cannot know.
When you have to decide
Between left and the right
You still can't tell which way to go.
The future is incomprehensible;
It's meant to be a surprise.
To move forward with faith
Is the one correct way.
You'll get your chance to rise.
The future becomes the present.
And you must be prepared when it comes.
There are choices to make
And adventures to take,
So go on and take up your drum.
A conclusion that's hard to teach.
Worry and doubt prey on the mind,
Wondering when the stars will align,
But somehow it's still out of reach.
The future is unforeseeable,
Something we just cannot know.
When you have to decide
Between left and the right
You still can't tell which way to go.
The future is incomprehensible;
It's meant to be a surprise.
To move forward with faith
Is the one correct way.
You'll get your chance to rise.
The future becomes the present.
And you must be prepared when it comes.
There are choices to make
And adventures to take,
So go on and take up your drum.
07 December, 2010
The Crossroads
There was a point in life when the most frightening thing she had to face was a fork in the road. A decision between going left and going right, between a good choice and a poor one. A or B. Now that simple time seems so distant.
She stands at a crossroads, coat wrapped tightly around her body in a desperate attempt to keep in the warmth. A sharp wind loosens her hair from its braid and she reaches up to brush it back, her fingers temporarily exposed to the icy air. The sun is setting and she knows it will only grow colder from here. There isn't much time, but still she stands, paralyzed.
This is no fork in the road. There are hundreds of paths, branching out in each direction; north, south, east, and west. In the middle of the road is a large signpost, covered in arrows, but the words painted on them are too faded to read. Some point in nonsensical directions, as if intentionally designed to mock her.
Right now, none of the paths look particularly pleasant. One heading straight into the sunset is packed with well-trod dirt, but she can see clearly the heartbreak and pain that lurk in the shadows. Another path goes for only a few yards before leading to a precarious rope bridge on a high precipice. It's obvious that only cruelty and manipulation will be found down that road. Still another is winding and narrow, with cliffs of poverty and anxiety reaching to the sky on either side. A fourth leads down the side of a rocky ridge, towards a terrifyingly unknowable sea.
Where is the safe road, she wonders, the one that will take her safely to her destination? Where is the road lined with roses and bathed in sunlight? Is there no peaceful forest path to be found?
As the sun sinks lower over the horizon, she knows her time at the crossroads is coming to an end. She must make a decision soon. Gathering her courage, she prepares for the first step. It hardly matters that there is no easy road; she's not concerned anymore that she has no idea where she might end up. The only way to escape the crossroads is to step forward in blind faith.
And when the moment comes, that is precisely what she will do.
She stands at a crossroads, coat wrapped tightly around her body in a desperate attempt to keep in the warmth. A sharp wind loosens her hair from its braid and she reaches up to brush it back, her fingers temporarily exposed to the icy air. The sun is setting and she knows it will only grow colder from here. There isn't much time, but still she stands, paralyzed.
This is no fork in the road. There are hundreds of paths, branching out in each direction; north, south, east, and west. In the middle of the road is a large signpost, covered in arrows, but the words painted on them are too faded to read. Some point in nonsensical directions, as if intentionally designed to mock her.
Right now, none of the paths look particularly pleasant. One heading straight into the sunset is packed with well-trod dirt, but she can see clearly the heartbreak and pain that lurk in the shadows. Another path goes for only a few yards before leading to a precarious rope bridge on a high precipice. It's obvious that only cruelty and manipulation will be found down that road. Still another is winding and narrow, with cliffs of poverty and anxiety reaching to the sky on either side. A fourth leads down the side of a rocky ridge, towards a terrifyingly unknowable sea.
Where is the safe road, she wonders, the one that will take her safely to her destination? Where is the road lined with roses and bathed in sunlight? Is there no peaceful forest path to be found?
As the sun sinks lower over the horizon, she knows her time at the crossroads is coming to an end. She must make a decision soon. Gathering her courage, she prepares for the first step. It hardly matters that there is no easy road; she's not concerned anymore that she has no idea where she might end up. The only way to escape the crossroads is to step forward in blind faith.
And when the moment comes, that is precisely what she will do.
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