An Ocean of Doubt

What is the deal with all these D-words?

Doubt.

Discontent.

Disapproval.

Disappointment.

Discouraged.

Disillusioned.

I'm struggling with these words, and the feelings behind them. Something better waits, if I just let go, but I find my grip just tightens every time I try to shake free. Perhaps there's some thought of rescue, that if I just hold on everything will change. I've always been told tenacity's a positive trait, after all.

The irony is that what I'm holding is a sinking weight and the longer I cling to it, the farther I get from the surface and life-sustaining breath.

I'm sorry for my doubt. I don't mean to get discouraged so easily. I'm only human. But this is just as much an excuse as it is a reason and I know I need to try harder. In this case though, the success cannot be mine and doing my best isn't nearly good enough. The only option is to let go and hold my arms above the waves, trusting You to grip my elbows and pull me on board. Otherwise I'm tossed about, waterlogged and drowning, ears full of the D-words that make me sink.

Pull me aboard. I'm done trying to swim on my own. This water is too much for this foolish girl. Won't You rescue me?